HEALTHY BONDS SUCCESSFUL LIFE

Establishing a healthy relationship with your child is integral to helping them stay motivated to achieve success in life.

Every parent wishes the best for their child and wants them to succeed in life. It is important to note, however, that success can mean different things to different people. In Singapore, many deem success as having academic success and landing a high-flying career. In such a resultdriven culture, parents sometimes push their children too hard, resulting in conflicts that hurt the parent-child bond.

Developing positive and secure relationships can help children feel accepted, and this is true across all parenting styles. Parents who are warm, supportive, and nurturing will see children being more confident, and thus more likely to seize opportunities for growth, and be more resilient in the face of setbacks. On the other hand, parents who are more authoritative will also inspire children to excel, develop better coping skills, and be more active in attaining their goals. The trick here is finding a balance where children are neither overwhelmed nor coddled.

For example, many parents set goals for children to instil a drive in them to do their best. However, we must avoid setting unrealistic goals or comparing them harshly against their peers. Pressuring your child to outperform their peers may seem like a good stimulus but each child should be given the opportunity to learn at their own unique pace.

Similarly, many parents implement a reward-punishment system for motivating their child, but if the child does not like learning or perform poorly, they might feel further discouraged by the punishment. Instead, it may be more meaningful to focus on helping children be intrinsically motivated. Help them appreciate the value of learning, the importance of gaining knowledge, and the power of personal growth, so they can motivate themselves to succeed.

Apart from fostering a close bond with your child, children will also benefit when parents also work on their own growth in parenthood. The way a parent deals with failure can heavily influence the child’s behaviour. The phrase “to err is human” means we are expected to fail sometimes and no one is perfect. If your child comes home with poor grades, take the opportunity to help them refocus on processing the setback and finding a solution. Teach them to think critically about what they can do better, and help them find the confidence to bounce back on their feet. All of these would give better outcomes than blowing your top and making them fearful of failure.

When all is said and done, forming a healthy and positive bond with children will give them the confidence to succeed, and the autonomy to take charge of their life.